1. color to wear: green
2. pet: cat
3. flower: tiger lily
4. number: 69
5. smell: Chanel Allure Homme Sport
6. taste: mint
7. hobby: art
8. city: NYC
9. food: cheese
10. drink: used to be vodka martini, now espresso
11. book: The Lord of the Rings
12. author: Ayn Rand
13. magazine: WAD
14. music: dance/electronic
15. artist: M.I.A.
16. clothing: hoodies
17. time of day: midnight
18. saying: "Style is how you live your whole life."
I took my rentals to the Cloisters. It was part Easter and part hang out / have a good time. The whole museum is still in Manhattan part of the Metropolitan Museum of Art located 190+ street at Fort Tryon Park. Specializing in Renaissance art, the Cloisters brings something outer inner. Amidst a major city is this throwback that decidedly makes you question Mary, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost. Designer sheets just aren't made the same these days.
Like most people, I have a box where I keep junk. This junk is rubber bands, glue, extra batteries, tape, random screws and wrenches from furniture assembly, string, and tools. Up until now this box was a bag I kept in the closet, but as a homosexual I decided to upgrade. My junk is now kept in a Tiffany & Co. box. During holiday season one of the vendors I buy trims from sent me a very nice Tiffany's carafe and glass from the Atlas collection. I have been enjoying the crystal, but unable to just toss the box. I now have the gayest junk in all the world.
At my neighborhood liquor store today, I had the pleasant surprise of a vodka tasting. So now I introduce you to ZYR. It's highly rated by a lot of prestigious magazines and people, and is actually really smooth. Other premiums I like are 3 and Ciroc. Cheers.
You have probably noticed some sketches/ paintings of angels recently. These are a series given to me as a gift by a close friend. She has rediscovered her art because of my adamant persuasions. Well I can't say I did it single-handedly, but I know my encouragement has been a major factor. How? you ask...because she has outright told me that I am her muse. For whatever reason, who I am and/or my life has struck a chord in her. I know that even without me she would have started pursuing her true love again, but equally, I enjoy creative feedback on my projects from her. People without an eye for art simply like or dislike, but it is difficult to hold an intelligent conversation when your audience does not have any practical knowledge of art or little appreciation for art. Well I am honored and flattered to be the source of inspiration for someone else. I hope you are enjoying her angels as much as I am...excuse me while I go be a source of inspiration and a guiding genius...
It is six months and counting. Like many greats before (Madonna, Paris, etc) I have taken a vow of chastity for one year. Many people, including potential lovers and my close friends, find this bizarre, irrational and upsetting. The whole point of the embargo is that I think young men, hetero and homo, are preoccupied with sex. Plus, I think gay culture in general is over-sexed. So, I have decided for one year (and see from there) that I wouldn't participate in intercourse. I want to see what kind of relationships form and the kind of people I meet when we're not just romping under the sheets in an Ethiopian boredom dance. Does abstaining from intercourse prevent me from dating? No. From going out with my friends? No. From having fun? No. And the one question I'm always asked, "What if you meet *the* one? Easy...if he really is *the* one than he will wait, and moreover if it really is love, then yes sex is important but there are lots of other ways to have fun...and, it'll make for one hot summer! Oh, the pic is a belt buckle given to me in honor of the embargo...
M.I.A. dropped "KALA" on Tuesday. I went to Virgin to buy it and got a free poster and banadana. Now I'll fit it with all the other cool kids! She is my favorite artist, though, for those of you who don't know me. I fell in love with Galang before it realeased in the US when I first heard it in a Bugz in the Attic Essential Mix on Radio 1 about 3 years ago. If you haven't heard her, you should at least check out her videos. She is an amazing artist with a lot to say, saying it in a fresh and original way.
www.miauk.com
www.myspace.com/mia
I had the most amazing walk home from the train last night. A strong t-storm cell was blowing through with torrential rain...literally curtains of water. I didn't have my umbrella and I wasn't about to congregate with the local riff-raff at the station, so off I went. It is one of the greatest, most refreshing feelings: cool rain drops falling all over you on a warm summer evening. I was soaking wet, all the way through my underwear, wringing out my water-logged jeans and t-shirt when I got back. The looks from passersby and people holed up under awnings were most amusing...like I was completely crazy. It's just rain, people. And if I'm any judge of character most of them could use a good soaking!
The weirdest request I ever got after hooking up was for resume paper. Yes, let's blow eachother, and by the way do you have resume paper? Why in fact I do! I have a standard white with watermark and an antiqued white both in heavier stock...which do you prefer? I'm not sure if I am more weak by the request, or that I obliged with an option of resume papers...he took the white watermark...
Chatting brings all kinds of entertainment. I have a short list of what works and what doesn't on my profile. This recent exchange gave me a good chuckle...shut him right up...
boy: dAM U SOUND LIEK EERYTHING U STATE WHAT DOESN'T. BUT WHO THE FUCK A i & U DNT FUCKIGN CARE.. SRRY.. FOR BEING PRESUMPTIOUS.
me: damn, insulting me and can't even spell your way through it...no need to be sorry you made yourself quite clear...in fact upholding my assumptions about you...but why the fuck do you care?
boy: NAH I CAN SPELL, JUST ON A PDA & MY FINGERS R TOO BIG & I DIDN'T PROOF IT CAUSE IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.. bUT PLS BRING OR SEND ALL THE UNTRIMMED, UN PLUCKED REAL SMELLY , MASC MEN HERE PAPA.. HAVE FIN UN BENSONHURST.. HMM UR ALL MUSCLE, WHAT MUST i BE LOL..
me: no need for excuses dude, and you must be a size queen cause I never said I was all muscle....if I find some unkept men I'll be sure to pass 'em on...you must like sloppy seconds...
...come out, come out wherever you are!
I find the whole coming out process very cliched. When did it become this obligatory phase to sit down with friends and family and discuss your sexuality? I guess culturally it's always been the large pink elephant in the room (world really) that no one talks about. It's taken the maturity of ourselves to step up to the plate and talk about it. I've come to realize it's not for the one coming out, but for everyone else's benefit because they don't know or don't understand. So this leads me know into the cliched coming out blog post. I think it's best possible scenario, and I really couldn't be happier with how the past 2 months have turned out.
I came out first to my best friends who were very supportive and loving. They're all gay and I'm sure that played a large role in their acceptance, obviously. Actually some are not out, partially out, and out all the way. This first step was the easy part...but how to tell my family. I really got past the cliched obligatory part of telling my family after the recent passing of the 3 remaining grandparents, and my youngest brothers impending college graduation. I realized that part of my family has passed on and they never knew the whole me, and the rest of us were moving on with our lives. I've never been a big family man even though I come from a large family. After moving to NYC and living on my own I really began to know how important close family ties are. At the same time I also accepted that this full disclosure could alienate me from my entire family and I had to be prepared to deal with that. So, with through some very deep heart-to-heart talks with my best friends, I made a conscious decision to make sure I told them 1) in person and 2) before the rest of my friends. I wanted to be sure they heard it from me and not someone else. Then, I also needed to find an appropriate time. I was okay with whenever, but I only see my family on important occaisions and major holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, surgery, funerals, etc.). I did not want my coming out to be a big deal or take away from the few times we are celebrating or mourning as a family. I do not see my sexuality as a big deal and think it's important to convey that to the people I love.
Mum and Dad
I originally wanted to tell my family all at once, but I knew that was very unlikely without other friends or family also present as both my brothers have serious girlfriends and my parents entertain a lot. I knew getting the rentals at once would be easier. I was going home over Memorial Day weekend for my younger brother's graduation, and would have the rest of the weekend to relax at home with my rentals. I really was nervous to be honest. I was certain that mum would be okay because she is so eternally loving and could never disown any of her sons, and believe me we have been putting this theory to the test! I wasn't sure about dad though. I knew he loved me, but he is established as the strong father figure in our family and I often heard him make snide comments about my gay friends. He really follows the middle america, redneck, traditional mentality, although not really conservative or close-minded. That day I talked to one of my best friends who was also home at the beach on vacation and he reminded me that there is never a good time and there will always be a reason not to do it, so just do it! He asked me how I was going to tell them exactly. I knew I couldn't say, "I like boys." or "I prefer guys." or "I think I'm gay." I knew I had to be direct as to avoid any confusion. So as Sunday progressed mum took her nap, and dad was watching the race. After mum woke up we sat in the kitchen with a glass of wine. 4 o'clock is wine time, so we had some cheese and other nibbly things as we began to think about what we wanted to do for supper. I asked if we could eat at the table, to which she agreed. I know that she likes us to sit down and eat together instead of at the counter or living room. I set the table and dad lit the grill. So do it now, during supper, or after? I had put it off this long, but mum was cooking and dad was still tuned into the race. Okay so I put it off a little bit longer. We had cheese burgers, corn, and macaroni and cheese. Our talk was light over dinner. I started to segway talking about my nana who was just passed away, and my youngest brother's graduation the day before. The subject quickly turned. Mum was still so happy that all her boys made it through college in 4 years, etc. My plan wasn't exactly going as I intended. It was still good conversation though. Dad got up and put the milk away. Side note, I grew up drinking milk with supper...and still do. It is a country thing I guess that all of my friends find amusement in that I will drink milk with anything. Anyway, so I knew I had to do it then or else I would have completed defaulted on my extended stay at home...sort of giving myself a guilt trip and a swift kick in the ass. My voiced faultered a bit, but...
"I need to talk to you guys about something."
Dad came and sat back down, rerouting from his short walk to the recliner.
Mum, sounding slightly worried "What is it?"
Me, "Well I tried to bring it up earlier about nana and us all moving out on our own."
Mum, "You can tell us."
Me, "I just want you to know what is going on in my life. I think it's important."
Mum, starting to get more worried and wide-eyed, "It's okay. You can tell us. What is it?"
Me, "I'm gay."
Mum, "Well we were wondering if you were."
Dad, "We still love you. We don't think anything less of you."
Mum, "We just want you to be happy."
Whew. A sense of relief filled the room, and not just for me. We then sat and talked. Well mum and I talked. Dad really didn't say anything else, which I was expecting. We talked about my exgirlfriend, how I knew, how long I knew, who else knows, and so forth. They told me that they don't understand it and didn't want to offend me by asking questions, which caused me to laugh out loud. I reassured them that it would take a lot to offend me and that I wanted them to be comfortable to ask me questions. If I didn't want to or couldn't answer them that I would be honest about it, but that I wanted them to ask me questions and reassured them that I didn't expect them to understand it. Mum also made a comment about my staunch character that she knew I was going to do what I wanted to do anyway, that I always have. It came across slightly insulting, but I knew what she was trying to say. She knew that if they chose not to accept my sexuality that it wouldn't stop me. So the underlying choice that they accepted it before I told them outright really strengthened our relationship, and I love them more now than ever. She did note though that I said I was gay and not that I thought I was. I am the first in my family to be openly gay, but we are pretty sure that her brother who passed away a few years ago was gay. I talked about it with one of my good friends a while ago, but never with my family. I felt slightly miffed that they never talked to me about my uncle in this way, but I still am not sure how exactly they felt about it. I let that one go. I got a big hug from both and we cleaned up dinner. I told them that I was going to tell my brothers, but that they could tell whomever they wanted if they felt comfortable, but I didnt expect them to tell anyone. I made sure they knew I wasn't ashamed and that they were told so they heard it from me first. The next day dad took me to the train to take back to the city. We never talked about it, and still haven't talked about it. However, he gave me a hug and kiss good bye as usual, but this was the longest hug he ever gave me (not the typical macho guy hug that's 10 seconds max with one or two pats on the back...it was a good minute long). And, he told me how much he loved me. I even sensed him getting choked up a bit, but he swallowed hard and let go with a big smile and told me to have safe trip home.
My brothers
I am the middle child, and only since going to college has my relationship with them gotten better. They are both closer with eachother than I am with either of them. I knew they both had friends who were gay and that they didn't have any categorical objections to it. About six weeks after telling my rentals I was going home again for a big family bonfire. I knew I would be able to talk to my brothers then. I pulled them aside individually over the weekend at different times to talk to them. I told them the same way I told my rentals: I wanted them to hear it from me first and that as we are all moving on with our lives I felt it was important they knew what was going on in my life. Both of their first reactions was telling me how happy they were for me followed by a huge bear hug. I found it odd that they both mentioned a trip back during the Christmas holiday they had taken home to visit my uncles (mum's brothers) and they had talked to them both about my uncle (their brother). He told my brothers that the family wanted me to know that it was okay for me to come to them because they were upset that their brother never could or never did tell them. Another side note is that my nana used to always call me by his name by mistake when I was young. My older brother told me though that he wasn't comfortable approaching me about it and felt weird that my uncles had sort of put a resposibility on him to talk to me about it for the whole family. I'm not sure how I feel about my whole family talking about my sexuality when I'm not around given that no one was surprised, but I really do know that it shows how much they love me and really didn't know how to approach it. And as one of my friends jokes with me, "You smell that? *sniff* *sniff* Smells like faggot!" It is something that I've never hidden and I have never tried to act straight...in fact I've never tried to act anything. I am always just me. Both my brothers asked about my exgirlfriend and told me how happy they were for me that I was comfortable talking to them. I sensed a greater mutual respect between us really. And now I know that my family loves me for me.
Taking all of this into consideration I have been doing a lot of soul searching and reflecting on my past. That's a whole other post though. The good news is that I'm out to my closest friends and to my family, and I have their love and support. Cheers to that sweetie, darling.
There are two crowds in the online dating scene: those with pictures and those without pictures. Many feel threatened (understandably) to post pictures online due to privacy concerns (often related to employment or family). As humans we are trained to read faces and make split second judgements about a person--why else would two different people find the same person to be completely attractive and utterly repulsive? I think you should post pictures. Like it or not facial attractiveness is important in a relationship. I'm not being shallow, really. Think about it this way: if you approach me in a bar or other public venue (or POB for that matter) are you going to put a black box in front of your face so I can't see you? When and if I do see your face, I'm not going to feel any differently towards it based upon how soon I saw it. I'm still going to like it or not. Hundreds of people see your face everyday (at least if you work in a metropolis), so why does it matter that hundreds of people online see your face? Do you have something to hide? Are you embarrased by your profile? Maybe that's why you're still on dating sites and having trouble making meaningful connections with people, sexually or otherwise. Honesty is so important. If you're lying (aka hiding) online, then you're not only lying to your audience but also to yourself. Sooner or later it will catch up to you, no? You can show me now or later, but I'm going to see it eventually if you're going to be with me in any capacity...so drop the charade and post it. I want to see what you look like. Post/send me a face pic if you really want to know me.
Footnote: If you don't like my face pic already posted here on the right side bar give me your e-mail address and I can send you the original photo. It's only fair.
