Sunset Angel

Wings expressive of a man,
I gaze out onto the horizon.
A gift of God, but merely human.

Sil-sitting on reflection,
I watch another sun set my life--
Burns a fearless fire deep within.

My wings rest with a fatigued ease.
Blazed kaleidescopic colors fail to ignite.
The lock's still unopened, latched with no keys.

I look back on where I've been:
Choices, emotion marked by talent and dreams.
Under those rays of sun I can't help grin.

The life I see charted by no map,
Forced into finding a way, forging my path.
Just sitting here life won't fall into my lap.

Cycles and orbs spinning, energies that inter-are.
The sun reflects the myraid of my being.
I feel so close that it's so far.

But in the reflection I start to see.
It's not quite clear from rippling waters,
Changing winds of seasonss on the open sea.

I don't know what's possibly beyond,
But a sun shining bright beams from its core:
I can know our meaningful bonds.

So many questions left unasked, still more unanswered.
Hues shift illumination,
But the other side still remains soul-shadowed.

I'm sitting here on a precipice of dark and light,
Time's judged perceptions in the past from the future.
The sun's scales tilting off balance ushering in the night.

It touches the edge of the planet,
Setting the skies a-fire with a minuet of color,
Reminding us to always remember--never forget.

The sun setting sinks like pain in my heart:
saddened sorrow bleeding through my veins.
It's me, an angel from God, my art.

boy poet speak

beautiful hope

the sound of the world
words of love
just be happy as one people

numb

So I've come to the realization that the funk I've been in for past few weeks is a result of being numb. I'm desensitized (possibly over stimulated?) and seem to be lacking ambition and motivation on every level. I simply don't care...but I do care...I just can't seem to do anything about it. I know part of the problem is the onset of winter weather, and I just want to curl up in bed to sleep. Another part is that I'm working 50 hour weeks...60 when you include the commute. I am tired. With my iPhone I've done better with keeping up on here with pictures and all, but I even find myself on the metro too tired to even think. I sit there in a daze. I do not want to fall into a rut of living the same week for weeks on end with no discerning events, thoughts, or feelings. I know myself well enough that I have good days and I have bad days, and that I need to take both in stride. Without any negativity, how do we really know what's positive? I have a lot to look forward to and a lot to be thankful for. I have not forgotten. Even with a new friends at work and a socialife on the side, I still will just sit here. I have just purchased a new wide angle lens and a wireless flash for my dSLR, but aside from test shots I haven't been able to work on any real projects. I even have a shoot I did months ago that I've only managed to edit 1/5 of the photos. Granted, the first set is phenomenal, but further gumption escapes me. I am away right now. Detached. A fallen leaf crusted over with the first ice, seemingly devoid of color and life I knew during the summer. I know that I hold high standards for myself, striving to live by my personal philosophies, continuing on through life. I think I just need a break, though...not from life. That's the whole point really. You can't segregate yourself. I am a global citizen and if I don't live my life, then what am I doing? I know I will trudge on, but walking in 2ft of snow is tiresome. Sure a dog sled or snowmobile would be nice, but then I wouldn't have done it myself. This mindset synchs with my philosophy of being self-sufficient and practicing deep introspection. My creativity continues to falter. Sure I can come up with ideas and discuss concepts with friends, but not in the same driving manner that would literally propel me forward through life. The car has stalled on the side of the road. I can turn the lights on, but the engine doesn't fire. I have to walk now. I don't have AAA. So here I am bleary-eyed and tired...resting on a snow bank in the middle of no where. It's not really no where though; I am somewhere. But where? Resting.

3rd Street

EmbArgO

It is six months and counting. Like many greats before (Madonna, Paris, etc) I have taken a vow of chastity for one year. Many people, including potential lovers and my close friends, find this bizarre, irrational and upsetting. The whole point of the embargo is that I think young men, hetero and homo, are preoccupied with sex. Plus, I think gay culture in general is over-sexed. So, I have decided for one year (and see from there) that I wouldn't participate in intercourse. I want to see what kind of relationships form and the kind of people I meet when we're not just romping under the sheets in an Ethiopian boredom dance. Does abstaining from intercourse prevent me from dating? No. From going out with my friends? No. From having fun? No. And the one question I'm always asked, "What if you meet *the* one? Easy...if he really is *the* one than he will wait, and moreover if it really is love, then yes sex is important but there are lots of other ways to have fun...and, it'll make for one hot summer! Oh, the pic is a belt buckle given to me in honor of the embargo...

"gUYlInEr"

In a recent interview on NPR, Pete Wentz: "I started wearing it because I felt like it tested some boundaries. Smear it. Because if you're a guy, you don't want your makeup to look perfect. My whole point is I think there's something in art where you should be making people feel uncomfortable." Aside from the fact that he should stop taking credit for EMO, rock-and-roll, hipster, et al. guys wearing eyeliner, this quote may be the only reason I have an ounce of respect for the kid. I, too, wear eyeliner. It does push a boundary for many people still...even in NYC. Most guys I have dated are surprised that I'm wearing eyeliner, and even more surprised that they are not totally turned off by it. Point is, if you're true to your style and you are confident in it, other people respect you and find you more attractive.