STR8-ACTING

There is a breed of gay men known as "straight-acting." Many argue, and I tend to agree,that "straight-acting" is just that: acting...pretending someone you're not...keeping all of your gay signifiers in the closet...pretending to be butch or masculine (at least more so than you maybe naturally are). I must admit though that there is something attractive about a straight, gay man. I don't think that it is a desire to have someone who doesn't let their homosexuality dictate every facet of their life. I think there are men out there that act more stereotypically "straight" than "gay." I think that as men are in transitioning to living a gay lifestyle and come out of the closet they are comfortable first with gay men who appear otherwise straight so as not to out themselves as far as quick. I don't think that "straight-acting" gay men are self-labeled. I am pretty sure that gay men have created the "straight-acting" box as a meme to the hetero's "metrosexual" box...a sort of half-way house to label the mannerisms and thoughts of those not apparently swinging in either direction. I only find it interesting because of the number of gay men and straight women that think I'm straight acting...against the equal number of gay men and straight men that think I'm metrosexual...guess it just goes to show you how far a label will wear...Right now I can only surmise that my attraction for "straight-acting" is the sense of illusion and the inherent mystery. I like to go out with a guy and it not be obvious that it's a date *or* that we are close friend from college going for a drink to catch up on life. I have always taken pride in being true to myself, but lately my straight friends have noted that I am more gay around my gay friends and more straight around my straight friends and my family in general. Body crisis. Am I really adjusting my behavior and attitude chameleon-like as a way to fit in better? No one has ever said though that I wasn't being myself. I'm leaning towards a conclusion that I have many, many facets to my life and one person will only ever see part of the real me. Take the cave allegory. I am me, casting shadows to all of you such that you only will ever see a shape of who I am. You may see many parts of once, but until I let you on the other side of the fire with me and breathe the fresh air...I remain the dark side of the moon...