my flock of gay sheep

4 Minutes

So you've only got four minutes to save the world. You've seen the video and heard the single. Madonna is on top of her world and has obviously worked to use her fame and money to make a positive difference in the world. I get that a standard music video will run about four minutes, so she has that amount of time to get her message across...we have to change if we are going to survive. My problem is that she doesn't really say anything...she is just dancing saying she only has four minutes? She should have gone at least one step further...

Alone...

Please don't come near
my heart is breaking
It is a place I need to be
alone...
Do not worry, do not fret
I will come back to you
But for now, this place
is for me alone.

Reflection...

Reflect upon the choice
-Accept yourself...
As I accept you in life
for I am grateful,
you exist...in here & now,
& forever in my thoughts
forever in my heart.

Lost and Found

You wake up one day and look in the mirror. You are a visitor in your own face. Perceptions reflect reality and the rays of light radiate. You trip and fall losing all sense of sense blinded by the light. Really, what does make sense? I know I have 5, all of which register the pain and suffering of falling. Scrapes and bruises inside and out. That's what I see in the mirror. It is an all out war. Luckily I've come out fighting. In the darkest, deepest days you can have light if you remember to turn it on. Switch. No one said life was easy. No one said life was fair. In fact, as much as one may not say about life, there is much to be said. Contradiction. Change. Cheese. Now take one step forward, even if it means taking two steps back. Go back to before you thought you knew. What do you really know? Who do you really know?

Salaryman

It started as a joke about my volatile working conditions and the amount of work I was doing compared to my peers, yet I still managed to get the short straw: "Salaryman does your work while you're at the water cooler." I wear him (me) on a chain around my neck to keep it real. No joke. I will do your work for you, right Titicaca?

Bad Dreams

I'm in a cab with 4 other people plus the driver...all friends. We are on a long cab ride down an interstate from like Florida to NYC. The cab driver keeps getting pulled over for speeding. Part way through our trip we stop at hotel. We go to a Rite Aide. All I remember about the hotel room was the shower. It was a large white room with a glass door and several overhead spouts. I take a shower after everyone else has gone to bed. In morning I walk down the street into a really complex parking lot following signs for C. After seeing long lines for the one entrance, we found out that we could go to a different area to meet my brother. It seemed to be for some kind of outdoor festival. It was a beachy parking lot and extended as far as I could see. By the time we got to him it was time to go as it was getting dark. There were hordes of people leaving I got in a SUV with 3 other people and I remember we had to leave someone behind. I knew these people, but didn't actually know them. So we are finding way out of the crazy parking lot and a truck is coming at us in a 1 lane road the wrong way. The lady driving SUV I'm in is maybe 50's but grey she freaks out and starts twisting the wheel back and forth rapidly. She won't slow down and the truck isn't either, so just before we crash head-on she swerves right rapidly and goes up over a sort of planter about 2ft high and framed out with wood filled will small shrubs. Obviously SUV makes it over eventually but it is really rough. As soon as we are over it all the wheels fall off, doors fall off and we have to jump out. When I look back the SUV is just a frame and oil/gas spilling out everywhere tires rolled off to side still. So I walk away as they freak out and try to find my parents again so I can leave. Meanwhile I'm freaking cause I lost my camera and can't find it. I walk a long time in parking lot again and finally find my parents. We call hotel and they are checking if I lost my camera there. I get in the back seat and my dad starts to tell me what a huge failure I am. He says he can't depend on me and I've just fucked my life up beyond repair. I am crying and my mum just stays out of it. We have to circle through a lot of parking lot still to get out. We cross the bridge that only 1 of the 4 lanes is completed. Not all of pylons are done either. I think they may be making a 2nd story to the bridge. We drive really fast and there are cones to keep us in our lane. We are headed to open beach. Someone is parked right in our path and when we go to go right to get around there are a bunch of police blocking the way. 2 sports cars race around either side of us in front and slam on brakes. We do too to keep from pushing them into police barricade. Finally we get around and I get my little dog out waiting to walk up onto the beach. I'm told I can't stand there for a minute longer with him or I'll be arrested...and I have to pick him up and carry him. He is a puppy and wiggling a lot so I have a hard time picking him up. I get lots of compliments on the dog. So I walk out to the last dune and stand overlooking the beach. There is a helicopter rescue in place. The man that was drowning is close enough to shore I can't figure out why a life guard didn't just swim out. He is hanging onto the string and being brought up into the helicopter. He's not in a basket or anything. About 50ft up he drops suddenly into the water like the wench gave out because the string went down with him. The helicopter keeps trying to pick him up for like 10 minutes but keeps dropping him. It is like dumping him. Then the helicopter crashes into the water a few hundred feet away from the shore. I can see two people swimming away from it. The first guy is still struggling. It looks like as helicopter sinks it will pull him further out and under water. The helicopter doesn't sink though and the blade is still spinning just under the surface of the water. I wake up.

Piercings

I have my tongue pierced, my left ear twice, my right ear twice (in an orbital), and both nipples. I am currently contemplating a nose ring, but haven't decided if it will look bad ass a la Lenny Kravitz or goober a la Carson Daly. I did find an amusing article about nipple rings. It raises a flag for me because I had to take out all of my jewelry before surgery last year, and although wasn't painful, was a bit difficult to maneuver. It is easier to have a piercer do it for you...think about it: you don't take jewelry in/out every day like they do. Another flag goes up because I'm traveling overseas soon and know what a pain it would be to have to take them out. I, too, would have to use pliers. I can already hear my mum, "Then you shouldn't get any piercings!" Thanks, mum. I still want that tattoo of a heart on my bicep that says, "I love MOM."

The Dark Age

I have officially entered a Dark Age. Shit is hitting the fan and I don't have hot water to top it all off. Yay.

eggs, baskets, candy & crosses

I took my rentals to the Cloisters. It was part Easter and part hang out / have a good time. The whole museum is still in Manhattan part of the Metropolitan Museum of Art located 190+ street at Fort Tryon Park. Specializing in Renaissance art, the Cloisters brings something outer inner. Amidst a major city is this throwback that decidedly makes you question Mary, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost. Designer sheets just aren't made the same these days.

Shit Speak

I got out of work early today. Our summer Fridays in the city have been extended year-round. My rebirth is scheduled for this Sunday while my rental units are up. I have a friend coming over now for movie night and sushi. So with all of this company coming I recognize that it is good I get out a little early Friday to hit the grocery and pick up a little something something. Before leaving the Manhattan I thought I could hit up a Duane Reade for some of said something somethings, but hey it's early on a Friday my Keyfood can't be that crazy today. And I was right, easy breezy through the grocery. I did laundry and dishes and all other preparatory bull shits. And here I have found the trifling perpetrator: toilette paper. Sad, but true, I have been out since Wednesday and using tissues. Through all of this I have yet to purchase a roll and I can't quite figure out WHY the Charmin fairies have failed. So now I quit typing to make my special trip to buy *just* TP...when all along I put off buying it so it wouldn't be so trifling to stand at the counter with *just* TP...

boy poet speak

you just suck
yes <3 every little part
you stink
so mean
no use
do
it under a bus
or
over the bridge
<3
now

Calling It Quits

Well it is day 4. I have quit smoking cigarettes. At $7.50+ a pack and
just over half a pack a day my wallet was really starting to show wear
and tear. I quit cold turkey over the weekend and the worst part so
far are the headaches. With work and so many other parts of my life in
disarray I realize it may not be best time to quit, but I figure if
it's gonna suck at least get it all over with at once. My afternoons
are hardest right around this time of day. And, can't really say my
mood is that much worse cause I've been in a piss poor mood for a
while.

Alphabet Drugs - Used and Abused

Alcohol
Amyl nitrate
Benadryl
Cocaine
Ecstasy
G
H
B
Ketamine
Klonopin
Marijuana
Methamphetamine
Percocet
Shrooms
Tobacco
Vicodin
Xanax

If only cereal was this fun, maybe I'd eat Special K and Coco Puffs...magickally delicious! 2 scoops!

About the old header

Some of my favorite types of photographs are abstracts of shape/form, color, and brightness. This picture started with me sitting at my desk as the sun was setting. The entry way into my kitchen was to my left. Looking up at the ceiling the dining room wall framed the ceiling in the kitchen. The middle grey is the flat side of entry way that is a good 18" from the ceiling parallel. Some quick touches in Photoshop, and header created.