Supersize Me

SO much emotion and no outlets...don't know how to feel...don't know what to think...don't know what to do...I'm lost it seems, without a map and certainly no service station. I'm mad at myself. A very raw anger. At first I want to kill myself, but then it seems a long and slow torture is more apt. Not really...I'm happy to be alive, so then why so hurt? I can't pin-point it. I'm disappointed, angry, sad, vengeful, and it goes on and on...just like the beat...on and on....so, I know that's what I must do, obviously. I had a dream to this effect: it was MC ESCHER's stairs, but escalators instead...on a trip to no where. It did not matter how I went, I was always going up to down, but never with a long term goal. It doesn't seem all that prophetic until the key detail: it was all in the basement of the student center of my Uni. Ever since school I've had lots of ups and downs, but haven't really gotten anywhere. I'm sure that's up for debate, but I do feel like I'm back at square one. Force of habit has me job hunting and going down all of the same routes, but I'm not convinced that's best for me. Bottom line, though, is that I'm good at what I do already, and there are bills to be paid...so, either that or...would you like fries with that? In the mean time, check out my beloved Sherry Vine: SUPERSIZER: Britney Spears Womanizer Parody

Bad Dreams

I'm in a cab with 4 other people plus the driver...all friends. We are on a long cab ride down an interstate from like Florida to NYC. The cab driver keeps getting pulled over for speeding. Part way through our trip we stop at hotel. We go to a Rite Aide. All I remember about the hotel room was the shower. It was a large white room with a glass door and several overhead spouts. I take a shower after everyone else has gone to bed. In morning I walk down the street into a really complex parking lot following signs for C. After seeing long lines for the one entrance, we found out that we could go to a different area to meet my brother. It seemed to be for some kind of outdoor festival. It was a beachy parking lot and extended as far as I could see. By the time we got to him it was time to go as it was getting dark. There were hordes of people leaving I got in a SUV with 3 other people and I remember we had to leave someone behind. I knew these people, but didn't actually know them. So we are finding way out of the crazy parking lot and a truck is coming at us in a 1 lane road the wrong way. The lady driving SUV I'm in is maybe 50's but grey she freaks out and starts twisting the wheel back and forth rapidly. She won't slow down and the truck isn't either, so just before we crash head-on she swerves right rapidly and goes up over a sort of planter about 2ft high and framed out with wood filled will small shrubs. Obviously SUV makes it over eventually but it is really rough. As soon as we are over it all the wheels fall off, doors fall off and we have to jump out. When I look back the SUV is just a frame and oil/gas spilling out everywhere tires rolled off to side still. So I walk away as they freak out and try to find my parents again so I can leave. Meanwhile I'm freaking cause I lost my camera and can't find it. I walk a long time in parking lot again and finally find my parents. We call hotel and they are checking if I lost my camera there. I get in the back seat and my dad starts to tell me what a huge failure I am. He says he can't depend on me and I've just fucked my life up beyond repair. I am crying and my mum just stays out of it. We have to circle through a lot of parking lot still to get out. We cross the bridge that only 1 of the 4 lanes is completed. Not all of pylons are done either. I think they may be making a 2nd story to the bridge. We drive really fast and there are cones to keep us in our lane. We are headed to open beach. Someone is parked right in our path and when we go to go right to get around there are a bunch of police blocking the way. 2 sports cars race around either side of us in front and slam on brakes. We do too to keep from pushing them into police barricade. Finally we get around and I get my little dog out waiting to walk up onto the beach. I'm told I can't stand there for a minute longer with him or I'll be arrested...and I have to pick him up and carry him. He is a puppy and wiggling a lot so I have a hard time picking him up. I get lots of compliments on the dog. So I walk out to the last dune and stand overlooking the beach. There is a helicopter rescue in place. The man that was drowning is close enough to shore I can't figure out why a life guard didn't just swim out. He is hanging onto the string and being brought up into the helicopter. He's not in a basket or anything. About 50ft up he drops suddenly into the water like the wench gave out because the string went down with him. The helicopter keeps trying to pick him up for like 10 minutes but keeps dropping him. It is like dumping him. Then the helicopter crashes into the water a few hundred feet away from the shore. I can see two people swimming away from it. The first guy is still struggling. It looks like as helicopter sinks it will pull him further out and under water. The helicopter doesn't sink though and the blade is still spinning just under the surface of the water. I wake up.

Sushi Dreaming

So I dreamt last night I was at a Madonna concert and she picked me out of the crowd to come on stage. Her people took me backstage while she continued her performance. They put me in an all black leather outfit and hoist me up in the air, and floated me out on stage where Madonna was in a similar black leather outfit with metal studs, and a whip. She was also tethered up. Madonna began to whip me in rhythm to the song. Part way through she asked me if I wanted it harder and I said yes, so she did. After the song was over we floated around front row finger tips just brushing the crowds. Next song Madonna and I sang together arms around eachothers' shoulders. Weird thing is I don't know the songs she/we sang and have never been to a Madonna concert...some dream.